Ups and Downs

It's hard to keep track off everything at present. There's so many things going on right now that induce such diverse thoughts and feelings. Amoungst these are anger, hate, depression and hopelesness. At the same time I'm feeling happyness, love, and hope about other situations. These contradiction of feelings are increadably draining. This adds the feelings of weakness and nausia. At least feeling means I'm alive.

Time's the greatest healer?

I haven't been here in a while.

This is such a fitting statement for so many things right now. At first, I felt like I was just traveling in one big, repetative circle. Same story. Same Faces. Same feelings. Now I see it's been a little different each time.
There's no obvious pattern to the severity of the feelings. The last time seamed the hardest, this time seamed a little easier. It might just be that this time I'm learning to accept it and see things how they really are. How they've almost always been.

It's hard to feel everything, so I'm shutting off a bit.

Bowl or helmet?

I look at the world differently to most. Not always in a 'rose coloured glasses' kind of way. More of a 'screw loose? Na, I think they're missing' view.
For example, coming home from a party, my mother thought 'sick bowl' where as I thought 'crash helmet', after all, I knew I was more likely to fall over than be sick. So really, it's a more logical way of thinking. So, if you think you could walk in heals, try on my shoes and let me know how you find it. Safety first, wear your helmet.

A second first kiss.

It's been said that, 'nothing beats a first kiss'.

I both agree and disagree with this statement. I agree in the way that a first kiss can tell you a lot about how the whole relationship is going to be. However I disagree in the sense that, having experianced it, a seconed first kiss speaks louder. Like a first kiss, it too tells you a lot about the pending relationship, but it has qualities that a first kiss couldn't muster, such as a wave of memories and emotion, the feeling of regaining something you once lost a while back. It's a rather exillerating wave.

And there was me thinking the tide was out.

Sink or swim?

Wanting what you can't have is such a human thing. It's even worse when what you want is right in front of you, but you cant have it. Once you're just coming to terms with there's a bump in the road, and it makes you want it more.
Then there's that oppotunity to regain something you once had. On the other hand, if you let it go last time, where's the will to keep it this time? and does it really overpower the want of the unobtainable?

It's a butterfly spring.

You know that feeling of excitement, like you've swallowed a thousand butterflys? That's how I'm used to feeling at the moment. I'm not even sure what it is that I'm excited about. The feeling is just there, over the smallest of things. Going out with friends, end of the college day, even the thought of a day where i dont have to rush or do anything. The only downside of today I can think of is that it's going to end. Oh, and that my flip flops rub.

High on life!

There's not a lot better than sweating out all you troubles in a room full of strangers. (For all you sick minded people, I've been to the gym.) Isn't it mad how a little exersize can make the world of difference! Other than my legs feeling like they're going to fall off and my lungs going into shock because they've been used for the first time in ages, I feel great! Getting ill and unfit isn't nessaceraly a bad thing, now it means I can see my progress again as I get fitter. Living is great, isn't it? :)