Friday, 8 September 2017

Hello again

Once again, it's been a while.

I always seem to find myself back here. Some stints between visits are longer than others. The reasons for the return trip differ, but the destination is always the same.

We are creatures of habit after all. We enjoy the routine of things. The status quo. The promise of repetition. When the tides turn and greet us with anything other than the rhythm of waves of which we have come to know, we drown.

We may put up a fight, kick and splash or just hold on and try to weather the storm, but without retreat, we fall victim. Relentless swells will beat you back; undoing all efforts and attempts to make it to dry land. In panic, even the slightest movement against you feels like a Serens wrath, beckoning you under.

Exhaustion sets in and you just let go.

Another victim of life's stormy seas.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

For Goodness Sake

I'm so sick of people.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Everything's Changing

I'm at a whole new chapter and I'm not sure where this one is heading. I'm done with education and I've ventured out into the big bad world. I'm not entirely sure I want to be here. Here in a dead end job. Here while all my friends leave for uni. Here with no indication that life gets better.
I'd love to believe that it all falls into place. That all my hard work pays off and everything is worth it in the end but nothing ever is. I always take the short straw. Every effort I make gets lost in transition. none of it is worth it in the end so why bother joining the rat race? Why not just sit back and wallow to the scent of the ungainable cheese?

Sunday, 6 May 2012

When did I get so cynical?

I hate everyone. Everyone and everything. People are pricks and only out for themselves. People hurt and humilliate you to feel better about their sad, pathetic little lives. The world would be a better place if a lot of them wern't in it. The world may be a better place if I wasn't in it. At least then everyone could carry on being twats without constantly hurting someone.

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Tears and Tantrums

It's amazing how quickly something can change. People, feelings, situations, nothing is constant. there's so much going on at once, it's hard to keep track of every thing and it's more than a little over welming.
So much I can't explain; why can't I be myself around them? Why haven't the pain stopped yet? Why is he being so unsuportive? Does he even care any more? How do I really feel about the whole situation?
I know if I looked hard enough I would find the answers to all these questions, so maybe the real question is, do I really want to know?

I think i'll just close my eyes and forget for a little while.

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Long weekend

This weekend has been perfect.
I don't honestly know what was different, it just was. Not that it was bad before, just this weekend i felt even happer to see him than usual.
I don't even know why I was complaining.
He's perfect for me.
When out with our friends, he doesn't smother me, yet still makes me feel like the most importent person to him there.
He listens to my rants and cwtches me when I'm down.
He has no problem with showing me (an apropriate amount of) affection in public.
I don't feel suffocated when he wraps his arms around me.
On top of all this, I can think about ''forever'' without freeking out.

Please don't let go of me...

Friday, 13 August 2010

Comfort or Excitement?

In all honesty, I've never felt more my self than when I'm with him.
He knows I have a few screws loose, and still chooses to love me anyway.
When I look at him and catch him looking back at me, I still get that warm, fuzzy feeling.
I miss him just after he leaves even when I know I'll see him again soon.
When I walk into a room dressed to go out, the way he looks at me makes me feel good about myself and like I've swallowed a swarm of butterflies.
I'm so lucky.
So how after all of this do I find myself missing something? I've tried every way I can think of to add what's missing, to no avail. I can live without these things and get by contently, but in my eyes, it is a big part thats missing.
I wouldn't give up what I have got in search for what I'm missing, I'm just saying it would be nice to have it included. I have love and affection, which should be enough for anybody right? Is it so out of line to want some excitement and passion thrown in? Can we save the contentment untill we're 80?